Being Present

Mindfulness and meditation have become two words that have pervaded my lexicon. It’s definitely in part due to the podcasts that I listen to, but I think I would have found my way to these concepts even without the influence of the podcasts. Although, phrases like, “pervaded my lexicon,” have come to me entirely from Rich Roll. He’s got the most dope lexicon.

Lately I’ve been challenging myself to put my phone aside as much as I can when doing things like cooking, eating, walking, cleaning. These are times when I would typically listen to music, or a podcast, or watch TV, or scroll through social media. My goal is to clean my mind from all the content I’m intaking, in an attempt to be in a meditative state as often as I can manage.

I’d like to bring my attention into the present moment as much as I possibly can. This is a serious challenge for a major daydreamer. From the time I was a little kid, I have been like an escape artist. I happened upon dissociation and then preferred to spend much of my time in my mind. It’s basically been my default state for most of my life.

I usually hear the word dissociation in the context of trauma, but that is not the type of dissociation I am referring to. Although, I suppose the ability to dissociate does stems from something like trauma. I don’t want to diminish severe trauma; I use these words to explain my thinking. Whether someone is dissociating in response to physical abuse, or they’re simply a child being forced to sit in a classroom for 8 hours a day when everything in their biology is telling them to move around and be outdoors – these are both forms of dissociation, or maybe escapism is a better word for the latter example.

In the context of this blog though I’m not talking about “bit T trauma” (as they say). I’m talking about how people find ways to shift their attention away from a present reality they don’t want to be in, towards a state of mind in which they can escape to wherever their imagination takes them. Or books, TV, phones or streaming services take them.

This type of dissociation becomes a habit that too regularly detaches us from our bodies and the life we are living and all of the world around us. Sometimes I’ll be in a social setting, trying to communicate and connect with people, and I find my mind drifting if I lose interest. I'll sort of follow my imagination to more interesting thoughts and stop listening, but I'll keeping smiling and nodding, of course. Needless to say my social skills leave something to be desired.

It’s hard to ignore the fact that our days are numbered. Our time here is precious, and I want to make sure I’m using mine well, but I’m not always sure how to do that. Perhaps it’s a little different for each person. I’m trying to figure out what I most value on the most basic level. Time is valuable (in whatever form it exists for us), and I’m thinking how we use our attention is probably the most important way to utilize our time most effectively.

When an hour or more passes while I’m scrolling through social media I feel like I’ve wasted my time and attention. My most precious resources. It’s not that I think social media doesn’t provide any value at all in our lives. I think it’s like everything else; There are positives and negatives and it’s up to us to find the right balance. Since smartphones have been around I’ve had more and more trouble maintaining balance.

I love having constant entertainment. I love all the tools smartphones provide that help me stay in contact with people, and get myself organized. I love that we can learn anything. We have access to any information we can possibly need in any given moment. But there is a difference between knowledge and wisdom. I’m afraid that if I concentrate too much on acquiring knowledge, I will never achieve wisdom.

“One can convey knowledge but not wisdom. One can find wisdom, one can live it, one can be born with it, one can work wonders with it, but one can never speak it or teach it. … The opposite of every truth is equally true! To wit: a truth always only allows itself to be expressed and wrapped in words when it is unilateral. Everything that can be thought with thoughts and said with words is unilateral, everything one-sided, a moiety, everything lacks wholeness, roundness, unity. But the world itself, that which exists around us and inside us, is never unilateral.” (Herman Hesse, "Siddhartha").

I’m not saying knowledge is not valuable, but I do think that in order for us to achieve wisdom, maybe knowledge is less important. Simply being is a vital element in achieving wisdom. I have read and reread Siddhartha (along with other books I find profound) over and over again throughout the past twenty some odd years of my adult life and each time I read with new eyes and a new brain, a new everything, because like everything on this earth, I am constantly changing.

In the story of Siddhartha, a highly intelligent and spiritual man spends his life seeking wisdom through conventional and unconventional means alike. In the end he finds that the natural world contains all the wisdom he seeks. He finds meaning and peace of mind in simply existing in the natural world.

I have tried meditation on and off over the past few years. This recent year has been the most “on” year of meditation for me yet. I have not yet managed to quiet my mind. Instead I observe how occupied my mind is. I see how difficult it is for me to just be. I try to quiet my inner dialogue, but I usually can’t, so I observe what comes up. I find thoughts of the past, memories, things I wish I could change. I find thoughts of the future. Things I need or want to do. Things I should/could do. Additionally, as if my mind is spinning multiple tracks, I find soundbites and images from all the media I take in on a daily basis. My brain is so filled with clutter, it’s no wonder I have such a hard time keeping myself in the present moment.

There is a concept in Judaism that can be learned from the Hebrew word, “mekadesh” which means, “to make holy.” Jews are instructed to take a regular day like any other and make it holy, a Sabbath. This is a majorly profound concept. We can take something entirely ordinary and make it into something completely divine.

It offers us humans a lot of power. Maybe more power than we want at times. In Judaism, the way to make something holy is to protect it, praise it, and most importantly, give it your complete and undivided attention. Maybe this concept is what led me to believe that our attention is our most valuable asset.

I decided to use this type of thinking and apply it to the most mundane activities in my day. Cleaning, for example, is not something I’ve ever considered to be that valuable. Sure, cleanliness is nice, but it never seemed valuable enough to me to sacrifice time that could be spent entertaining myself. I chose to live in a mess while prioritizing everything that seemed more appealing than maintaining some sense of order in my space.

I love watching David Attenborough narrated BBC nature specials. One thing that stuck with me was the mating rituals of certain birds. I think it was about birds of paradise. To attract a mate, the male will clear an area on the ground of all leaves, twigs, and whatever else, to create a clean and solid dirt stage to perform his mating dance in an attempt to attract a mate.

There’s definitely a lot to be learned from observing the natural world, especially as we humans detach ourselves from it more and more. Animals don’t neglect their most basic needs to find more entertaining things to focus their attention on. They just do what they need to do. They simply exist in the way they were designed to exist. We humans have a greater sense of consciousness which has enabled us to create and experience all different types of existences along with our needs in the natural world.

We have built systems and machines that help us work more efficiently and allow more of us to have a chance at survival. Now we have to figure out how best to use this gift of consciousness. What should we make holy? Where should we place our most valuable attribute of attention?

I decided it would be in my best interest to bring holiness to the most uninteresting activities that improve my present existence in the simplest ways. I am choosing to bring my full attention and focus into cleaning my apartment, cutting and cooking my food, walking, etc. I observe my desire to find escape and take note of how it changes over time.

It has been changing over time. With practice, I am getting better at being present and my mind can find silence and just take it all in. The idea here is, if I put my attention into tasks like folding my laundry and putting it away, then the task itself becomes valuable to me. This way doing the things I have to do anyway will actually help me feel more fulfilled.