Self-Coaching
Somewhere in the messy last couple of months of my life I lost my morning routine. For a long stretch of time I would meditate for 20 minutes as soon as I was awake. Then I’d take a morning walk to get some sun and awaken my senses to the sounds of birds chirping and the colors of the neighborhood flowers.
Right now my apartment building is under construction and I’ve been waking up earlier than I’d like to the sound of drilling. It’s been a stressful way to greet the day. Instead of waking up on my terms and creating an atmosphere of calm appreciation and intention, I’ve been woken to the desire to block everything out. I put in earplugs and cover my head with a pillow, escape to whichever room is furthest from the noise, and then try to hold on to as much sleep for as long as possible. Then I roll out of bed when I have to start working and go straight to my computer. Not ideal.
Thankfully I have managed to find another place to stay this week and I’ve been working on taking back my morning routine. It’s insane how much better I feel when I start my day quietly, on my own terms, with meditation, exposure to the natural world, and intention - as opposed to waking up to spend my first conscious moments trying to block everything out – which seems to put me in a state of resistance and wanting escape all day long.
Healthy habits feel so good, yet for some reason it seems so much easier to fall back into bad habits that always lead to feeling lousy. Eating healthy, for example, feels so amazing. Instead of going through the day with physical discomfort, and sugar crashes I feel balanced and my body functions peacefully. Yet, every now and then I find myself feeling helpless to resist the temptation of the few seconds of joy and the hours of misery that follows the consumption of overly processed, sugary “food.”
It seems like once I’ve disciplined myself in a particular area of life, the work should be done. Newer healthier habits should become second nature, I would think. That doesn’t really seem to be the case for me. I feel like I’m in a constant battle with myself to make healthy choices. Most days, most of the time, I can keep choosing correctly, especially if I’ve developed a practice – but the temptation of engaging in things that I know very well at a logical level will lead to all sorts of unpleasantness never seems to fade entirely.
It's all about how strong I am in the present moment. That’s because all the unhealthy shit offers such powerful instant gratification. We live in a world of overwhelming constant temptation to instant gratification. As a result, it can feel impossible, and even pointless, to delay gratification. But I am fully convinced that true pleasure comes from gratification that has been preceded by some form of personal effort.
This week I had the privilege of coaching 3 clients. While in session with 1 of these clients, I was rattling off some of my favorite healthy self-talk ideas that I wanted her to start engaging in. “Talk to yourself as if you were your own mother. A perfect mother with endless patience, love and support for you. A mother only you yourself can be to yourself, because only you yourself knows all of your experiences, feelings, needs and desires exactly how they exist in your head.”
“I love that! That’s brilliant.” She said. “Did you make this up?”
“Oh, most definitely not,” I replied.
“Can I ask you something? Do you do this coaching on yourself?” she asked.
“All. Day. Long. Yes. Yes. Yes. I think that’s why I had to become a coach. Because all day, every day, every minute, I am coaching myself in my mind. It’s pretty much all I think about. And it’s because I struggle, so I have learned I need to give myself constant love and support. Even while I’m coaching you, I’m also coaching me. Reminding myself of all the thoughts I need to keep at the forefront of my consciousness.”
Here's what I’m telling myself this week: Be wary of anything that brings you too much pleasure with little to no effort. It is all around you, so you must be diligent. Continuously engage in activities that delay gratification. You may not want to get up earlier to meditate and get outside before you go to your computer, but that is what you have to do. You may not want to exercise, but you will feel so much better once you’ve finished. Instant gratification gratifies and then creates deficit. Don’t be fooled. The kind of gratification that lasts has to come from effort on your part. Acknowledge that you are surrounded by temptation and forgive yourself for occasional weaknesses that cause you to indulge. Every moment brings with it the opportunity to make new and better choices.